Thursday, October 20, 2011

Simple Cainianity

This is easy.  Well, maybe not, but I just love starting out with statements like that because it's the best way to hook accidental Republican/Teacaner visitors and their ilk into reading on.  There are few things they like more than easy or simple things.

Take Herman Cain's 9-9-9 proposal for example.  It's simple.  Of course, it is simply stupid and wrong, at least for the 84% of the population who would pay much, much more in taxes if such nonsense were adopted.  So, about right now you're probably thinking I'm going to say the craving of simplicity and/or unyielding stupidity of the Republican/Teacaners is what has Cain polling ahead of Romney and the rest.  No, afraid not.

It is something rather more loathsome and lamentable than it is simply lamentable.  I have long felt that the Republican/Teacaner nominee would ultimately be the shameless, been on all three sides of every major issue, Mitt Romney.  I still do, but would not rule out the possibility of it being the brainless Romney, aka Rick Perry.  I feel this way because, out of that truly more entertaining cast of crazies than any ever produced by a SNL skit, Romney and Perry seem by far the more electable.  And I usually assume that the evil doers are going to take their best shot when the chips are really down.

But then I remember that last time out the evil doers came at us with McCain and Palin.  A pair of knuckleheads that even my two cats, or a combination of either one and my old decrepit dog, could have whipped, and still had lots of time left over to lay around in the sun on the back porch.  So, comes the question: Why is one of the more unlikely of this brood now polling on top?  Well, it is more or less a holding pattern that puts the whole thing in neutral while the Romney/Perry brawl plays out.

That comes down to a decision between going with Perry, who may not be able to stay awake through a two hour debate, but at least is a gun-toting, hang'em high, good old fashioned Christian.  Or take the more alert Romney, who possesses absolutely awesome flip-flopping switcheroo skills, but still can't figure out how to get to a third side of an issue which for this crowd only has two: Christian or something else.  In the meantime, Cain enjoys the spotlight for at least being wide awake and simple, as well as a firm adherent of down home Christianity.  Hence, simple Cainianity will serve until the Republican/Teacaners divine the true nature of Romney's personal belief system, and make their peace with it or not.

All of this is revealed by the responses of the Republican/Teacaner base, asked to say what comes immediately to mind when each of the following candidates are named:

Cain: 9-9-9
Perry: Texas
Romney: Mormon

The choir is singing, but you better believe it ain't an American tune.

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